A Couple without conflicts is like a fairy tale, it never exists. For couples, married or unmarried, conflicts and arguments are so common.
Having conflicts doesn’t mean the end of the relationship. Take it easy as long as the discussion between you and your dearest one is peaceful. This also means that if the situation goes beyond control, for instance, your husband yells at you or even has the compulsion to hit or choke you, you should be cautious.
Can yelling solve any problem? No, it causes more.
The yelling from a husband will hurt the heart of a wife and the hysteria will freak out the kids.
If sadly, your husband yells at you during conversations or out of nowhere, we should think about methods to stop him. Before yelling turns into violence, we need to act right away.
Your Husband Yells At You Because He’s Crashed by Stress
People living in the world suffer from all kinds of stress from family, work, study, etc.
For middle-aged, the pressure of family is overwhelming. A call from school about a kid fighting, a bill sent from the bank, a breakdown of the car, or a sudden bursting pipe can all be the second last straw. The conversation with the wife may be the last to crash this man.
At the workplace, he might be criticized and targeted by employers and colleagues. Bad sales, a gradually competitive environment, bullies, deductions, or retroactive/back pay will ruin a man’s heart. Coming back home with a torn heart, the man still needs to act tough and deal with family issues.
While ladies can cry out to get relief, men cannot as they’re taught to be tough. They can’t cry unless they want to be looked weak and fragile. This is gender bias too, and it has existed for thousands of years and it will last. As a result, yelling at you might be his way of letting go bad mood, surely wrong but pathetic.
Your Husband Yells At You Because Of His Personality Flaw
He disguises himself so well that you’ve never noticed that he is irritable, impatient, or arrogant.
This happens mostly to newly married couples. The man is always kind and considerate to you. He is seldom furious about anything and is always wearing a smile on his face.
This doesn’t mean he is not a good man. He is just trying to show the best of himself to the person he loves. He wants you to remember only the positive side of him. However, due to his mental defect which may caused by a bad childhood, wrong parenting from his parents, and other reasons, he can be angry when specific things happen.
For example, he might be a control freak and once you disobey what he requires, he gets mad and yells at you.
Your Husband Yells At Your Because Both of You Communicate in A Wrong Way
Either you or he is being too aggressive and the other side is emulative.
At first, it’s just a regular conversation. However, one starts to complain about a mistake that the spouse has made. And the other fights back.
As a result, the situation escalates. Maybe it’s the husband that starts yelling first or it’s the wife.
Your Husband Yells At Your Because Helplessness
Men can be fragile especially when their path of pursuing dreams is shut down.
Those who are in their 20s may get declined by their dream college, company, or team. All the preparations and sweat are wasted while the expectation is not met. This is enough to tear a young man apart.
If he starts a business, the depressing domestic economy is such a burden to him. The worries of losing this company that takes blood, sweat, and tears to build are overwhelming. Also, hair loss, gaining weight, loose skin, loss of strength, and all kinds of sickness (like ED) further remind him that he is no longer young.
He started to get confused about all the things he has done. Are they worthy and really meant something? But he doesn’t want to let anybody know that he is losing direction now.
Helpless as he is, yelling becomes his shield to his wife.
How to Stop My Husband From Yelling At Me
Things will be just fine if your husband yells at you only once because of a sudden loss of control. We will have this issue more or less.
On the other case, if your man yells at you constantly and even hits you, you need to do something to stop him from doing this again.
1. Cool down at first
If he yells at you, leave the room or whatever place it is. Don’t stay around him to give him any chance to yell at you again. Just tell him that both of you need some time and space to chill out and think about what just happened.
This can stop him from yelling at you temporarily and give him time to reflect on himself. Also, you won’t have to look at that hysterical face of your husband which might leave a shadow.
2. Analyze the reason
When you’re settled and recovered from sadness, try to think about the reason why he would yell at you.
Is it because of the money? Check the balance or call the agents about your financial situation.
Ask your kids whether they have done anything bad recently, or about the update from their training or interest class.
Do you know his best friends or colleagues? Try to ask them about your husband’s recent behaviors, like the things that he complains about, asks, and pours out.
If your husband runs a company, ask his partner or the staff.
Remember, you need to think about an excuse for asking the person first. Avoid leaking the truth that your husband had a breakdown, this will affect others’ impression of him.
Also, this is to prevent the person from blabbing to your husband. If you act strange while asking the person, he or she will very likely speak to your husband about your behavior, right?
So, to keep your head above water, make up some good words before asking.
3. Set up a conversation
You have to bring out this somehow. After you’re both calm, kindly talk about this with him.
If you think your husband was just having an accidental outburst and you believe that he’s not rude at all, try to talk to him directly about this.
Or you may ask him to watch a movie with you, a movie where you can find scenes of husband yelling or even, domestic violence. After watching it, tell him that you’re afraid and confused. Also, ask him why did he yell at you, and did he have a bad day.
This may sound a bit absurd that why should the one who gets hurts should comfort the one who hurts you.
If your man is completely weighed down by stress, you should save this poor man from hell. Remember what you‘ve vowed that you will always be by his side, through all the ups and downs?
It’s your responsibility to comfort, love, and cure him. Show him that you care about him and tell him you can conquer whatever trouble is ahead together.
When all the troubles are killed, you can then come to him and demand that he never yell at you. Draw a line between you: problems should be brought out between you and fixed together. No more yelling, criticizing, and blaming.
5. Be patient all the time
When he loses his patience, you should always keep yours.
You will run into an argument with your man again, soon or later. If he talks nonsense again, take a deep breath and better don’t fight back. Don’t make the situation worse. Remain a peaceful mind and take him as a stupid and naive child.
If he yells again, think about how Donald Duck shouts out. Your husband is just like Donald Duck yelling at you with his raspy quack. Keep your patience and let him finish his speech first.
6. Encourage him to have a therapy
If he cannot even control himself and lose his temper quite often despite all the efforts, you should seek help from professionals.
There is a chance that your man is having a mania or depression. Don’t overreact about this. This is such a common mental disease that will happen to millions of people. Don’t criticize him and take him as a burden.
Encourage him to see a psychologist. If he refuses to go, tell him that it is time to take a couple’s therapy like so many others would do after years of marriage. “I need your accompany”, this is what you should speak to him.
7. Show him your forgiveness
If he is guilty and promises you that he will never yell at you again, consider forgiving him. And warn him that if there’s another yelling, you will not be this kind.
However, you should never let your guard down.
A lot of cases of domestic violence suggest that an apology can be temporary. When he feels unhappy, he might still yell at you and even hit you. This is the worst case that will less likely to occur.
A yelling husband is terrifying indeed. But as his dearest one who exchanged rings once, you should not abandon him this quick. Try to understand the reason why he gets mad. Then, find the related solution to get rid of his temper.
Be patient, and most importantly, be tough.
If he just won’t change himself and keeps on yelling at you, at your kid, maybe you should think about leaving this man.
By no means, yelling is not normal. It means that one is losing control, shouting malicious words at who is dearest and closest to him or her with a hysterical face.
Yelling at your spouse will not just affect the relationship between you, but also impact the child’s impression of parents, changing their thoughts about marriage. As a result, your partner is scared of you and your kid might grow up becoming a misogamist.