5 Keys on How to Be An Adult in Relationships

By Last Updated: January 12th, 2023Categories: Relationship Counseling

Being in an adult relationship requires a lot of patience, effort, and care. You have to continuously nurture it like watering plants. Yes! You need to grow. It’s the only way for the relationship to stand the test of time.

However, there are times when you get caught in a relationship where your partner is more mature, and you can’t seem to keep up. But that is not an excuse not to grow emotionally in a relationship. Most of the time, you have to make the first steps on your own.

Well, good thing there’s a book called “How to Be an Adult in Relationships” by David Richo. It has helped many adults find who they can be and what they can offer in a relationship by discussing 5 keys or A’s to mindful loving.

Sure you can purchase the book, but as a working adult with a laundry list of responsibilities, you may not be able to spare some time to read it. Worry not! In this article, we’ve summarized the whole thing for you. Below are the 5 keys to mindful loving you need to develop.

1. Be Appreciative

To be an adult in a relationship, you have to learn to appreciate what your partner does to make you happy. Even the little things they do are the most important things to be thankful for.

Of course, this comes with being genuine with how you really feel about your relationship. Appreciate the friendship you both have created throughout the course of your journey. This can be done by simply saying thank you whenever they do something that helped you or pleased you. You may also offer gratitude in a form of reciprocating their kindness (giving gifts in return, etc.)

Be Appreciative

So, if your partner gave you a gift such a dress, shirt, watch, necklace, etc., keep it and wear it. And you also have to take care of it as it would let them know that you care about the things they’re giving you. You may also try taking your partner to a special dinner or a movie date if you both have free time. It’s a sign of appreciating each other’s time and making the most out of every moment you’re together.

On the other hand, you should not only appreciate the good things. Being an adult in a relationship means that you also appreciate the fact that you and your partner have limitations, shortcomings, and yearnings in life. You see, no one and nothing is perfect in this world. One of the things that matter is your sincere appreciation for your relationship as it is.  And without showing appreciation, you may not find your true love no matter how hard you try.

2. Be Accepting

You and your partner grew up from different walks of life, and you can’t expect them to be the same as you are. who they were and who they are right now. They may have committed some mistakes in the past, but what matters is if they’ve changed and if they’re now a different and better version of themselves.

Moreover, accepting who your partner also requires you to accept yourself. You are a flawed human being, too. You may have committed mistakes to your partner without you even knowing. Accept them all and take responsibility. Make it your life’s mission to outgrow your mistakes as you accept who you are. Only then can you be an adult in relationships.

3. Be Allowing

They say that when you love someone, you also need to learn how to let them go. And that’s kind of true. It may not be a breaking-up kind of letting go, but it can be in the form of allowing your partner to be free to do whatever they want to do or pursue in life.

Yes! To be an adult in relationship, you have to respect your partner’s decisions. Allow them to be on their own whenever they need a breather for the relationship. You have to remember that you don’t need to be in control all the time. Being a controlling and manipulative partner can bring ruin to your relationship over time.

Be Allowing

Allowing your partner to do things they want can be a form of support, but if your really want to be an adult in a relationship, you have to step up your game. You also have to show your partner the support they need. If you allow your partner to pursue playing in a basketball team or going on gigs with a band, you have to physically support them. Be there with them, you may try buying them shirts, sending food and whatnot.

Overall, you have to realize that your partner’s world doesn’t only revolve around you, and yours doesn’t revolve around them. So, allow yourselves to experience more in life. Let your partner have fun with his friends and family without you. It’s no big deal. After all, if the love is real, there’s nothing for you to fear.

4. Be Affectionate

Being an adult in relationships doesn’t mean you have to be chill and cool. You also have to show the person your love, and that you really feel strongly affectionate for them.

It can be done through simple gestures such as kissing, hugging, or even through acts of service that makes your partner happy. But of course, you have to do these things with their consent. Make them feel safe as you show your affection.

You may also try to cook for them and let them relax or whatnot. It’s anything that makes your partner feel reassured that you love them for real.

5. Be Attentive

Now, the aspect of attention is pretty important when you want to be an adult in a relationship. It means that you have to be sensitive and at the same time focused whenever your partner needs attention.

You have to listen to what they have to say and be considerate of the things they are feeling no matter how small it is. Attention also requires you to be present at the moment. As much as possible when spending time with your partner, avoid being so preoccupied by other people. Because if you do, they might feel that you’re being indifferent toward them.

Be Attentive

You see, there’s a difference between hearing them out and listening to what they want to convey to you. If you do the latter, it can give your partner the assurance that you respect them and that you’re not there to overshadow their feelings.

Final Thoughts

You both have to become responsible for keeping the relationship going. And this requires you to learn how to be an adult in relationships by relearning the 5 keys to mindful loving. And that means learning how to treat yourself and your partner properly, without alienating each other.

If you don’t know how to do that, you can start with the 5 A’s above. It can help you navigate through your adult relationship.

Frequently Asked Questions

There are many elements that make relationships last. However, the basic things that make them really last are honesty, love, and trust. These three elements can hold everything together.

Yes! Being responsible for your mistakes is a sign of maturity, not only in relationships but also in life generally. It means that you respect the person and you are not allowing your relationship with them to crumble because of your mistakes. Admitting your wrongs can often make things right.