How A Man Feels When He Hurts A Woman – 7 Things to Know

By Last Updated: January 12th, 2023Categories: Relationship Counseling

“My man said terrible things and yelled at me last night. It hurt me that I couldn’t help but cry. He just stared at me blankly and walked out of the room. I wonder how a man feels when he hurts a woman.”

Unlike women, most men are more secretive about their emotions. They don’t want anyone, even their partners to see any hints of weakness. They just want to play tough and solid all the time.

This is especially evident when they hurt the woman they love. They’d try to play it cool, but they know well enough that you don’t hurt what you love, you protect it with everything you’ve got.

Now, if your man hurts you, you have to know how he truly feels about it. That way, you’d see if he’s worth your forgiveness. Yes! It’s crucial in a relationship to be forgiving and loving. But in order to forgive, you need to understand first. Good thing you’re on the right page. In this article, we will walk you through how a man feels when he hurts a woman. Just read on!

1. Guilty

The first thing your man should be feeling after realizing he’s hurt you is guilt. He’d be so disturbed about it that he can’t think or focus well on his work. You will know he’s guilty if he can’t stare at you after the incident. He may also

He may also be afraid of you touching him or even share the same room. He just feels so bad about what he did that he’s torturing himself emotionally, unknowingly. He may also not be able to look you in the eyes, because he’s ashamed.

2. Apologetic

After feeling the guilt engulf him, he’d feel apologetic about what he did to you. However, his ego and pride might get in the way. That’s why he might seem cold and can’t really verbalize the words “Sorry that I hurt you”.

Apologetic Man

You will notice that he feels this is when he suddenly does some house chores he doesn’t usually do such as cleaning the house, cooking food for you, etc. He’d try to create ways to apologize to you through his actions.

Just see to it that what he does to apologize is sincere. Because if he only makes an effort just because he’s forced to fix the relationship, you may consider if he’s worth forgiving or not.

3. Angry

This one may surprise you but yes! Your man may feel extreme anger, not at you but at himself. He knows that what he did to you was wrong. But he was being too defensive that he lost control and did hurt you anyway. He feels so bad about it he can’t help but be angry at himself.

You’d know he’s angry this way when he punches the concrete wall even if it will hurt his hand. He may also try yelling at himself and calling himself stupid or whatnot.

But, if you’re at fault, he may also be angry at you for whatever you did that hurt his feelings. You may try your best to apologize. Letting him know that you’re regretful of your actions can greatly help him control his anger and his emotions in general.

But if the reason he hurt you is completely his fault, you may need to re-examine your relationship. Does his anger always result in hurting you? If so, then it might be safe for you to discuss breaking up, as it’s no longer healthy for both of you to stay in the relationship.

4. Hurt

No man wants to see the woman he loves to get hurt by others. It hurts him, too. However, it hurts more if he’s the one who inflicted the pain in the first place.

After being angry, he’d feel hurt because he can’t reverse time and undo what he did to you, be it he hit you or he said hurtful things. And with that hopeless reality comes the tears rolling down his cheeks. You may see him cry in secret, away from everybody.

However, if the reason why he hurt you is that you hurt him first, you may need to get down from your high horse and let him know you’re sorry. It’s up to you how you want to apologize. You may do it by talking to him directly or you may just do something that he likes. He’d appreciate it, and it might help him deal with the hurt better.

5. Afraid

He may not show it, but after hurting you, he’d feel afraid as well. Not because he thinks you’d blab about the incident to your friends and family, but because he’s afraid to lose you. He’s scared that you may change your mind after witnessing his bad side, and use it as a reason to break up with or divorce him.

Afraid Man

You’d know he’s afraid if he always checks on you and makes sure that you’re okay. Like he’s trying to make you feel that you are still safe with him. He may also ask you often about what you feel and what you are going to do next.

Given that your man is feeling afraid, and you have no plans of leaving him, it wouldn’t hurt to reassure him. That way, he won’t need to be feeling afraid for no reason. However, the decision is yours, because if you always reassure him, he might get used to it and abuse your kindness. Just do it whenever it’s necessary.

6. Right and Justified

Well, if you did something wrong like betraying your man, he may feel justified in hurting you. He may not feel regret or guilty about yelling or even saying disgusting things about you. d feel that you deserve to be called out to remind you that it’s your fault, not his.

You’d notice this if he doesn’t apologize or he just plainly feels indifferent toward the situation. He’d just warn you not to hurt him again or do something that would betray his confidence in you.

However, if it was your man’s fault and he still feels right and justified for the way he hurt you, you may need to reconsider your relationship. It’s not right that he feels entitled to hurt you. It could indicate that your partner has no sympathy towards your feelings. After all, a man should try his best not to hurt his woman. If he can’t control himself, that’s a red flag

7. Failure and Disappointment

If he has identified that what he did to hurt you is awfully wrong on so many levels, he’d feel that he’s failed the relationship. Yes, with such a failure, he’d also feel disappointment especially on the things that he could’ve done better.

Failed Man

You see, when you first became a couple, you’d have certain promises to keep such as not to cheat, not to keep a secret, and most importantly, not to hurt each other emotionally or physically.

You’d know this when there’s a sad look in his face moments after he knew he hurt you. And there’s a gloomy atmosphere around him and he can’t look you straight in the eye because he knows you’re disappointed, too.


Troubles in a relationship are pretty normal in small doses. Yes! This is because you and your man have differences, no matter how alike you are. It’s a matter of how you express your feelings in the relationship that makes you both overcome any problem.

But when a man doesn’t communicate because he’s afraid, shy, guilty, etc., especially when he recently hurt you, it would be wise that you find out for yourself and help him navigate through what he feels when he hurts you. It’s important so you can decide on what to do with your relationship.


Violence has no place in any relationship. However, the decision to break up with your man is up to you. It depends on the gravity of the physical hurt inflicted and what it means to you. If he’s beating you up and you’ve sustained physical injuries, going separate ways is the best thing to do. You may also file a lawsuit against him if need be.

While it’s satisfying to realize your vengeance to make your man feel the hurt you’ve felt, revenge is not a wise move. It can only breed more conflict and hate between you both. And the worst part is it might create a cycle of getting back at each other, which could hurt you and your loved ones in the process.